I picked up Sweet Pea and we went to get DJ from the vanpool parking lot (one car, /n/, see $1900 fuckmegentlywithachainsaw). She was perusing a list of her classmates.
Sweet Pea: This says A______, B_______, C__________, and here's Michael E. We have two Michaels, Michael C. and Michael E. Michael E. kissed me on the lips. Not Michael C. Then there's D________,
Me: WHAT? <quickly recovers, speaks calmly> What was that, honey? About Michael E?
SP: He kissed me. On the lips.
Me: For real?
SP: For real.
Me: During class?
SP: No, at Campus Kids.
<Internal monologue begins. Should I drive straight back over to the school and kick Michael E's ass? Should I go straight to the Principal? Maybe the Counselor should talk to them. Okay. Probably overreacting. She's pretty calm. Follow her lead. Breathe.>
Me: Did the teacher see you?
Me: Did you TELL the teacher?
Me: Did it bother you?
<Okay. Don't go running over there. Don't even call. Let's just handle this like the mature adult we are and what's this 'we' shit, kemosabe? That's my 6-year-old whose lips were violated.>
Me: Do you plan on kissing him again?
SP: No. He likes me but I don't like him.
Me: Okay. Well, I think you're really too young for kissing right now so I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that for a while, okay?
SP: Okay. Besides, I don't like him. I like Grace's older brother. He's so cute.
<Crapshitfuckdamn that kid is in, like, 5th grade.>
Me: So, do you want to, like, talk about it or anything? Because that was your first kiss and--
SP: Mommy, it's really not a big deal. Can we talk about something else?
Incidentally, DJ wants to punch Michael E right in the face. I told him that was probably inappropriate, given that Michael E can't be older than 7. However, if DJ gets Mikey-boy alone in an alley, I can't say he won't pop him one. What do you think?