Slices of Stacy

And the hits just keep on coming...

First, our dysfunctional school board illegally hired an interim superintendent, who state official has said is unqualified.

Then the people the governor appointed to assist the county go on record saying that accreditation cannot be saved.

God help this county.  This is unbelievable.  The hubris of the school board is amazing.

Brit Bit

Dear Britney:

Don't become a Scientologist.  They don't believe in shrinks and honey, you need one.  Bad.

Love,

Stacy

This is why I fell in love...

DJ just showed me the '2 girls 1 cup' video.

It's been ten minutes.

I can't stop gagging.

I wish to God I had a time machine.  Or the Haitian guy from 'Heroes' who could erase my memory.

I can't believe it.  I'm SO not linking to that.

Holy shit.

Oh great, now I'm gagging again...

*ETA:  DO NOT try to find this video at work.  Seriously.

Atlanta: Michael Vick and Baggy Pants

So.  Michael Vick pled guilty and apologized. 

I'm not even sure where to start.

I asked some of my African American classmates (hereafter referred to as Black because I don't have all day to keep typing all those letters, Internet) about the Vick thing on the first day of classes.  I wanted to know how they could defend something as reprehensible and stupid as dogfighting.  Per usual, the subject turned out to be way more complicated than I thought.  What it came down to, for me, is that I don't feel the need to defend other White people.  In my book, if you're a white NFL player with millions of dollars and endorsement deals and you screw it up with something as stupid as dogfighting, you probably deserve to go down in flames, you stupid fuck.  You broke the law, suck it up and pay the price.  One of the defenses someone put up was that he was just trying to help his boys from the hood make some money.  His friends.  Would those be the same friends that, one by one, bailed on him so he'd stand alone in front of the District Attorney?  Those friends?  Wise choice, Mike.  Seriously.  One person said he was just "being real", to which I say... read this.  Real?  Maybe I need to look at this from a sex standpoint than a race one.  I just don't understand men who can do things like that.  I'm much more impressed by a man who can use his testosterone more productively, like having hot monkey sex on the back deck... but that's a whole other entry.

Personally, I find crimes against children and animals some of the most spineless and viles crimes because the victims have no chance of fighting back. 

The other thing going on in Atlanta today is that at 3pm (right about the time I have to drive by City Hall on my way home, so this is going to be FUN like a spinal tap) the City Council will be hearing a proposal to ban pants so baggy that we see London, France and underpants.  Naturally the ACLU has chimed in with their opinion that this is racially motivated.  Interestingly enough, the Councilman who's proposing it is Black and has a strong record of supporting minorities.  Once again, I'm not looking at this as a Black/White issue, I'm seeing a generation gap.  This perfectly nice-looking, literate-sounding Councilman simply wants people to pull up their pants.  He sounds kinda like my Grandparents when he gets going.  I have no strong opinion here... I wouldn't walk around with my cotton flowery panties showing on purpose, but that's just me.  Maybe if I wore some cute boxers or something... no, I probably wouldn't.  However, if "those crazy kids" want to do it, then more power to 'em.  Probably they'll look back at photos of themselves in 20 years and wonder what the hell they were thinking, much the way I look at photos of my feathered bangs in high school and groan.  That's part of being in a diverse society.  Deal.

I think maybe I'm really naive.  I'm an old-fashioned integrationist and I still believe (I know, right?  I'm a fucking Pollyanna) that we can all coexist peacefully.  I don't automatically look to race, sex, religion or creed to separate us, I look for ways we are alike, things that can unify us.

I know, right?  Pollyanna.

A Different Perspective on the War in Iraq

So this weekend we went to a birthday party at Pump It Up.  I managed to show both my age and my ass at this party by 1) repeatedly telling the other Moms I was going to Pump! Them! Up! and 2) forgetting that it wasn't an actual birthday party, it was a "Pre-K Graduation Party" because the hosts are Jehovah's Witnesses.  So I show up with a gift wrapped in 'Happy Birthday' paper and a birthday CARD.  I bought an actual CARD, people.  I was so proud of myself.  Fortunately the kid's Mom was cool about it when I apologized for insulting their religion.

Sweet Pea's teacher was invited to the party (causing an entirely new internal debate: was I supposed to be inviting teachers all this time? CRAP!) and I had the opportunity to talk to her for a while.  I knew she was from the Middle Easternish region of the globe but I'd never questioned her further.  Naturally I waited until school's actually over, right?  She's been responsible for educating and taking care of my child and I wait until now to find out about the woman's life.  Add it to the list of things I'm going to MomHell for, along with teaching Sweet Pea the lyrics to 'Rehab.'

Anyway.

Turns out that Sweet Pea's (former) Pre-K teacher is from Iraq.  I took this opportunity to ask her some pretty direct questions about the war and it was very enlightening. 

Ms. S (I'll protect her anonymity until I get the okay to do otherwise) has a four-year degree in Civil Engineering and her husband has a degree in Mechanical Engineering.  In Iraq they were considered quite well off.  She was making the equivalent of $200K a year, they had (still have) two homes in Iraq.  In 1996 she and about 7000 other engineers had been working on some rebuilding projects that caused frustration on the part of Saddam Hussein and he decided to kill them all.  The American Government got wind of it and, since she was working on a project for Americans, offered to get her out of her country.  Two days later she left with her husband and three children.  They left their homes, furniture, cars, friends and family.  Saddam never followed through but I'm guessing if you have an internationally despised tyrant threatening your life you can't be too careful.

Once Ms. S and her husband got to Georgia they tried to get Engineering positions.  However, they had no friends in the right places to help them and ended up working minimum wage jobs.  Ms. S finally decided to work in the daycare center where her son spent his days.  Obviously, these days as soon as engineering companies see the Iraqi citizenship they have suddenly "filled the position."

Ms. S wants to move home.  She still has those two houses (in northern Iraq) and family and friends there.  However, her daughter has married an American man and won't go back and her middle child is graduating from high school in a year.  Last year she went back to Iraq for a visit and was offered another great job.  She wants to go home.  She wants to have the lifestyle and respect that her education and work experience should grant her.

I asked her what her general feeling was about the war.  She said that the Americans have done a great thing in getting rid of Saddam and his sons.  They were pure evil.  The same amount of Iraqi citizens were dying as there are now, tortured and murdered by Saddam.

She feels very sad about and almost personally responsible for the loss of American lives.  She has a son in high school , she understands that these soldiers are someone's children.  She admits that there is no good exit strategy and wishes that the Americans had followed through in 1991.  She said that the Iraqi people were really ready to overthrow Hussein at that time and that morale is very different now than it was then.

I asked her about the insurgency and she had some very interesting hypotheses.  First, she doesn't feel that these attacks are masterminded by Iraqi citizens.  She said, "Iraqi people don't kill other Iraqi people."  She pointed out all the other countries that fund these people -- Iran, Turkey, Syria.  Her money seems to be on Turkey being responsible for most of the worst.  She believes they are funding the insurgency with both money and warm bodies.

I then told her my favorite "Here's my overentitled American opinion on the war" statement, which is that we should have finished in Afghanistan before going into Iraq.  She interrupted me and said, "Stacy, you can never finished there."  Al Qaeda? The Taliban? I asked incredulously.  "No.  You cannot begin to understand the brainwashing.  These are young men who believe that dying and killing other people is their highest goal."  She pointed out, correctly, that people who ARE in their right minds (and this proves that frankly, she doesn't know ME all that well) cannot come close to understanding this and that there is an endless supply of young men indoctrinated in their early childhood, willing to die for their cause.

I wish I had started this dialogue at the beginning of the school year.  I've been mulling over this conversation for two days now and I have more questions than I did before.  Fortunately, Sweet Pea will be with Ms. S for two days a week this summer while I'm in school.  I can keep mulling.

What about you?  Any questions for Ms. S?  I can ask her and bring the answers back here.  If you could honestly ask an Iraqi citizen a question, what would it be?

An Open Letter to Dina Lohan

Dear Dina:

I just read about Lindsay's return to rehab.  Probably just an attempt to get out of prosecution, eh?  And she'll be out just in time to tie one on for her 21st birthday!  After all, according to an interview with you that I recently read, this is what 20-year-olds are supposed to do!

No, Dina, it's not.  And if it is?  Then let me tell you what their mothers do, because you OBVIOUSLY didn't get the memo.

Your daughter is beautiful and talented.  Most people see her as a Paris Hilton wanna-be but ever since 'The Parent Trap' I've followed her career.  I think there is a serious actress in there somewhere.  At some point, though, the celebrity got in the way of the acting.  And you need to intercede.

You are a sham of a parent.  You live off your daughter's earnings.  We've all seen pictures of you clubbing with your daughter.  What the hell is WRONG with you?  Didn't get to live a fabulous Hollywood adolescence?  Awww, poor baby.  Grow the fuck up.

As an addict and occasional actress, I have a sinking feeling that I know what your daughter needs right now and it's not a club buddy.  She is moving so fast because there is a hole inside her, one that was probably created by you and your husband.  I wasn't there and it doesn't matter now, because the past is the past.  Right now what your daughter needs is for you to be her Mom.  Go to the group meetings.  Apologize to her.  Stop lunching at the Ivy, put away the designer clothes, quit playing around in front of the microphone.  Be her mother.  Tell her that you love her.  Tell her if it all went away tomorrow you would love her just as much.  Then prove it to her.  Buy a minivan.  Start parenting your other children.  Put on the Mom jeans.  Refuse to support her clubhopping.  Don't take her calls in the middle of the night, let the police pick her up and put her in jail if she cracks up her car.  Tell her over and over that she is a worthwhile person without all the Hollywood shit, then back it up by your own actions. 

Whatever your own issues are, it's time to put them away.  You can deal with them later.  Don't tell me that she's an adult, because she's not.  The ages of 18-23 are now considered 'emerging adulthood' and these people still need their parents' direction and advice.  They need GOOD advice.  I have to tell you, when the parent who's an ex-con starts sounding like the reasonable one, you're on mighty shaky ground, lady.

You're a beautiful woman and still young yourself.  This doesn't give you the right to abdicate your parenting responsibilities.  The minute you had those children, you gave up the right to act like a child if it was to their detriment.  Now get your act together, woman.  The role of 'mother' can be graceless and dull, but it can also be strong and powerful.  You can still have an effect on the direction of your daughter's life.  The question is, are you doing to keep siphoning off her money (yes, I know, you're her 'music manager') and living your second adolescence or are you going to step up to the plate?  Are you going to be the kind of mother you should have been her whole life or are you going to keep enabling her into a coffin?

Sincerely,

Stacy

Riddle me this, Batman...

Who is Kim Kardashian and why should I care if she has a sex tape???????

The moment that COULD be the best of you life

Can you just imagine being in that marching band at halftime at the Superbowl?

"Dude!  I am going to be playing with fucking PRINCE at the fucking SUPERBOWL!"

Incidentally, if you're an old-school Prince fan, did you know that Wendy and Lisa ("Wendy?" "Yes, Lisa?" "Is the water warm enough?" "Yes, Lisa." "Shall we begin?" "Yes, Lisa.") are now composing the original music for the TV show 'Heroes'?

Beaverwatch '06

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY, BRITNEY, PUT ON SOME FUCKING UNDERWEAR!!!!!

The father's side... maybe

Beth said: 

Now the father is saying that he didn't really understand "adoption" and he didn't think he was really giving up all rights as the child's father. Good Lord! A lot of people go abroad to adopt.. do you think its b/c the process is so f-ed in this country??

There are actually a couple of possibilities here.

First, remember the difference between individualist and collectivist societies.  America is an individualist society:  me, mine.  Most developing and underdeveloped countries (as well as most of Asia) are collectivities societies: ours.  I know that in ancient times it wasn't uncommon for families to foster out their children if they couldn't support them and I believe that this practice has continued in many cultures.  In a collectivist culture, it would be fully supported and very natural, and probably the reason the baby was in an orphanage in the first place.  After the mother's death, with no one to feed the child, the next best logical move was to find someone who could help him.  One could guess that he intended to bring the child home after he'd passed through toddlerhood.  In underdeveloped countries, children are sent out to work, making them an economic asset rather than an economic liability (liability? Yes.  Our children are economic liabilities with the daycare and the quality education and the clothes and the BARBIES, OH MY GOD). 

He may very well have assumed that Madonna was going to foster the child to adulthood, then give the young man the choice to stay in America or return home to apply his knowledge to enriching his homeland.  Again, in a collectivist culture, this would be expected: that you will sacrifice your own prosperity to help your village.

It's important to remember that the human rights people (tree-hugging non-shaving hippie freaks though they may be, God love 'em) really have a point here.  From an American standpoint, of COURSE this child would be better off with Madonna.  He'd have every opportunity and nannies or not, Madonna does seem to love her children.  But how do we get to make the determination of what is 'better'?  It's 'better' in our eyes because the child would get the things that WE value: PlayStations, travel, nice homes, their own bedroom, schooling, quality medical care.  However, in terms of what a different culture might value (family, working together, contributing to village life) the 'good life' with Madonna would be abhorrent, especially if it means legally and permanently severing ties with his family.

That being said...

It's also very possible that the man agreed to the adoption and is now being pressured by human rights groups to recant.  I doubt it's simply a matter of more money: if Madonna paid him, she paid him well and the concept of 'more money' than a fortune may be beyond his scope.

It's also obvious that she skirted the laws.  And honestly, that's the Malawian government's choice to make.  Rather than continue to tell us that they followed the law, perhaps they should just say, "You know what? We passed an order that said she could circumvent the one-year residency rule because we CAN and because she's MADONNA and we're trying to get people to notice our tiny, desperate country.  Instead of condemning us for catering to the celebrity entitlement that you people created, why don't you stop doing it in the first place?"

Tomorrow Madonna will be on Oprah and I've already got the TiVo set, so we can stay tuned for her side of the story.