Slices of Stacy

Pushing Daisies

Are you watching 'Pushing Daisies'?  I mean, I understand the criticism -- it's fucking twee as hell -- but for a music-theater-geek-lost-child-of-the-80's, seeing Kristin Chenoweth and Ellen Greene sing "Birdhouse in Your Soul" actually made me hit the reverse button on the Tivo.  Twice.

Now if the producers would just stay the hell out of it...

If you're watching 'Kid Nation' and you don't think that 1) Laurel is going to be President one day, and 2) Jared is the damned funniest kid you've ever seen, you're dead to me.

Dead.

"Do it, a**hole!"

So it's 12:30am on Saturday night.  I'm up making potato salad -- and no, that's not a euphemism for anything else.  I'm making potato salad.

While the potatoes finish cooking, I watched a few minutes of Saturday Night Live and just saw something pretty goddamn funny.  They did a Dora the Explorer spoof and anyone with a child under the age of 6 will get a laugh.  Surely someone will put it on YouTube tonight.  Go find it.  It's called 'Maraka'. 

Go NOW and watch it.

Why are you still here?  GO to YouTube and search 'Maraka'!  Jesus.  You people.

RIP Veronica Mars

Read it here. 

In the grand scheme of things, it's a television show, right?  Right.  On the other hand, in a vast television wasteland it's a well-written, divinely performed show with a strong, intelligent, fascinatingly flawed but well-meaning lead heroine.  In a sea of nearly-naked women in the media, Veronica Mars actually manages to keep her clothes on (tomorrow night's episode notwithstanding, hint hint).  With the possible exception of Battlestar Galactica, it's the best thing on television.

And Dawn Ostroff, President of the CW, is cancelling it.

Since it's only a television show, I can't bring myself to wish her dead.  Boiling in lava?  Certainly.  Naked on a red ant hill covered with honey?  Absolutely.  Nightmarishly chased around by an army of 5" tall plastic Santa Clauses carrying pitchforks and emitting high-pitched squeals of laughter?  Wait -- that's MY worst nightmare -- but it SUCKED, so YEAH that's what I want for her.

Highlights from Comedy Central's William Shatner roast

Betty White said 'cockring.'

"Andy Dick's sole mission in life is to give AIDS back to the monkeys."

Shatner's hairpiece got called a Wookie snatch.

"I looked up the name Shatner online and it's actually Yiddish -- it's the past tense of Shitner."

George Takei:  "Your acting is so bad... if I could get my partner to suck that hard I'd never leave my chateau."

William Shatner:  "Jason Alexander... he said he's inspired by me.  Why is everyone who's inspired by me such a fat fucking loser?"

Top Ten Reasons I Love Noggin

Wanna watch parents get really defensive?  Ask them how much television their child watches.

The subject of television watching can cause more hostility than just about any other -- except maybe breastfeeding.  Like many other subjects in parenting, it's an individual choice that seems all too easy to judge.  You don't let your kid watch TV at all?  Good God, you haven't showered since the Clinton administration, have you?  Loosen up.  You let them watch TV all day?  You know that you're limiting their intelligence, right?

DJ and I have had several conversations over the years on the subject.  He falls in the "I watched Tom & Jerry beat the living shit out of each other and I turned out all right," where I'm more along the lines of "You know what?  I think kids have too much access to violent images on TV and in video games."

Which is why I love Noggin. (Caution -- turn off your sound if you're at work)

Noggin advertises itself as preschool on TV.  While I wouldn't necessarily go that far, this is, in my opinion (NOTE:  I said MY OPINION.  MY BANDWIDTH.)  the best channel for kids.  Recently DJ started watching some Boomerang with her in the evenings and I found myself actually asking that he NOT watch it in front of her anymore.  He, of course, thought it was going to be another round of liberal/conservative ping-pong, but it was only about Sweet Pea.  After a day of gentle images and upbeat music, of conflict resolution and imagination, I couldn't stand the barrage of explosions, chase scenes, sound effects and fury that took place during Tom & Jerry, Daffy Duck, etc.  Sweet Pea already has an anger management problem.  I know we can't protect her forever, I know we can't control what she watches forever, but I can protect and control right now.  And so I shall. 

There are things I don't like about Noggin, to be sure.  If they never showed Oobi or Connie the Cow (what the FUCK?) or even 64 Zoo Lane again, I'd be fine.  And I'm perturbed by the new 'Why it's okay you're letting your kid watch this show' explanatory thingy (that's a very technical term) at the beginning of each show.  See, most people either know what is good about any given show or they just don't care.  For the most part, though, the programming is stellar. 

Here at the top ten reasons I love Noggin:

10.   What it doesn't have:  the Wiggles or the Doodlebops.  Or Spongebob or Fairly Oddparents (although I LOVE Fairly Oddparents, I don't want my four-year-old to make them a habit).

9.  What else it doesn't have:  Commercials.  To be fair, there are other stations that don't have them, either.  But the other day when Sweet Pea mentioned that she needed some teeny tiny dolls to fit in her Matchbox Porsche, I told her that even Polly Pockets wouldn't fit in there and she whipped her head around and said, "Polly what?"  and I had to offer her a two-pound bag of M&M's to distract her.  She's primed to pick up on new fads and obsessions, being an American -- I don't want to make it worse by feeding her a steady diet of commercials that will tell her that her life will be complete if she has the latest doll.  We're already drowning under the Groovy Girls.

8. Dekko Boko Friends.  I have no idea what they are.  They're one of the "shorts" between shows and sometimes it's a linear story and others it's just little characters jumping up and down on tiny walnuts.  I think it's a subversive way to introduce surrealism and frankly, I think Noggin has some real stones to show something different.  They might be the bastard stepchildren of Pee Wee's Playhouse.  Curiously enough, Sweet Pea has never asked what they are doing.  Only the adults don't get it.

7.  Franklin and Little Bear.  Both these little boys are living in a world populated by talking animals.  Their parents are married and the kids play outside all day long with their friends.  Franklin regularly gets grumpy and causes conflict within his own group of friends, and although his parents are always there to help, Franklin usually figures out the problem on his own and takes the initiative to apologize and make things right.  I like that.

6.  The-N.  After 6pm, Noggin becomes a tween/pre-teen network called The-N.  This is the home of the famous Degrassi show, as well as reruns of Fresh Prince of Bel Air which is, hysterically, Sweet Pea's favorite television show.  And as I watch it, I realize that it's fundamentally very much like Noggin in some ways... Will gets himself in trouble and has to dig his way back out. 

5.  Max & Ruby, the emancipated bunnies.  Although I find myself getting frustrated sometimes (JESUS, why is Ruby having to bathe Max seven times?  Is their mother a crack whore?) this is one of Sweet Pea's all-time faves.  Ruby can be bossy and controlling, but she's the sole caretaker of three-year-old Max, so who can blame her?

4.  Pinky Dinky Doo.  This is a new offering from Noggin and they have mini-interviews with the creator during the day.  The music is so infectious that we were singing them in the car after the first show.  In direct contrast to Franklin and Little Bear, who live in the bucolic countryside, and Max & Ruby, who live in the Canadian suburbs, Pinky Dinky Doo lives in the Great Big City.  She lives in an apartment building and shares a room with her baby brother.  This has GOT to resonate with city kids.  Now, DJ is already getting tired of Sweet Pea and I making a trumpeting noise before we throw out a big word into casual conversation, but we're totally into it.

3.  Cooking with Luis.  This is one of the shorts between shows and it's a fucking riot.  I hope Luis ends up with his own show on the food network.  Whatever he makes, he obviously loves preparing food.  He emphasizes sharing the food with family and friends, cooking safely, etc.  The best part of this is Luis himself.  He's just an adorable kid -- my favorite parts are when he obviously goes off-script and starts to crack himself up. 

2.  Music videos.  Considering that I can't even watch videos on MTV or VH1 anymore, I'm really glad I at least get some on Noggin.  If you're a kids' music novice, the mainstay on Noggin is Laurie Berkner, whose DVD is the next best thing to a 30-minute babysitter.  However, they've also got other groups, including the occasional one from 'They Might Be Giants'.  During Jack's Big Music Show there's usually an artist who comes in to jam with Jack and his friends.  The adults take performing seriously -- they're not condescending -- and yet they allow themselves to get completely silly with their dancing, too.  They take their music seriously but not TOO seriously.  Considering the dearth of arts and music education that Sweet Pea will be getting once she enters school, I like that they're sneaking this in early.

1.  The Backyardigans.  Frankly, I could do an entire Top Ten list about the things I love about this show.  The Backyardigans are a multiracial group of kids whose houses share back yards.  Every day they go out back and play with... their imaginations.  They have relatively few props or toys and are completely dependent on each other and their own brains.  After playing some game involving a beach or the jungle or a museum, somebody's stomach growls (usually Pablo's) and one of the kids offers to host snacktime at his house.  The scenery is magically turned back into their backyards (and at this point I've usually forgotten that this is all make believe) and off they go.  The very best part of this show?  The music.  The kids sing and dance to every form of music that exists.  As I watched today, I realized that the song and dance was actually a gavotte.  A fucking gavotte, people.  When is the last time you saw kids doing that on television?

So if you've got a young one, give this a chance.  Or, for that matter, if you don't have any kids but find yourself laying on the couch some morning completely hung over, try it out.

Memorial Randomness

Happy 40th Birthday to DJ!!!!!!!  Sweet Pea and I were talking about it and she said, "Daddy's getting old.  We're going to have to get a new Daddy soon."  Heh.

*****

By the time this post goes up, Sweet Pea and I will be on a plane, beginning our annual pilgrimate to Mittenlandia (tm Sain't) to visit the family.  I will see my nieces and hug them and hold them and breathe them in and I will thank God in His heaven that my brother and sister-in-law got married, and that they are reproducing (again!) these magical little creatures.  How is it that you can watch someone grow up, and he's just your baby brother, whatEVER, and then suddenly he's a Dad and his children are so fabulous?  Hmmm.  Must be sis-in-law.  Heh. 

*****

In honor of the end of the television season, here's one last television randomness post.

*****

Desperate Housewives

Meh.

*****

Alias

So... Rambaldi's endgame was immortality?  And Sloane achieved it?  How absolutely poetic that he's now trapped in a cave, smushed from the waist down for all eternity.  Heh.

Lena Olin is a Goddess.   Period, end of story.

*****

Lost

Holy CRAP.  So Desmond crashed the plane but now no one will ever know?  Whoa.  The electromagnetic theory was one that was produced by some serious brainiac fans, so it didn't come as a huge shock.

*****

The Apprentice

Honestly... Donald Trump is a complete and total fucktard.  Allie and (what was her name?  See?  That's how memorable she was) Whoever went at each other in the boardroom and it's 'disloyal'?  I thought it was supposed to be 'business'!  Honestly.  However, how much do you love Ivanka Trump?  I totally love her.  I want Ivanka and Carolyn to be the new Viceroys. 

You have to give Ivanka props.  I mean, she could totally have been Paris Hilton, but she actually got an education and is working for her Dad.  By the sounds of it, he really makes them work, too.

And although the season isn't over, I'm going to bet on Sean.  Not because he's remarkably better than Lee (although he probably is) but he seems like the kind of guy that always lands on his feet, you know?

American Idol

Sweet Pea and I got into this at the last minute.  Had I realized how much she'd enjoy it, I would have started to Tivo it for her earlier in the season.  She was hoping Katharine McPhee would win, but I was pulling for Taylor.  Frankly, I'm not thrilled with either of them.  But I think it was time another guy won, don't you?

*****

Have a great weekend, Internet.  Cook some food on the grill, chill with friends and family, and have a beer.

Television Randomness

Okay, the season finale of 'Veronica Mars' absolutely blew my mind.  I swear, y'all, if you're not watching this show you are a complete idiot and you are DEAD TO ME.  I'm about to watch it AGAIN (I love Tivo I would marry my Tivo if I could) because I still can't quite believe it.  I started to cry several times because I really believed they had killed off Keith. 

*****

Also, if you're watching 'Invasion'... is this not becoming absolutely brilliant?  A couple of weeks ago they made fantastic use of the Doors song 'Riders on the Storm.'  It's from Shaun Cassidy Productions (and if they have a website I haven't been able to find it) who also produced the short-lived series 'American Gothic.'  I loved 'American Gothic' -- the two main things I remember from it are Gary Cole's evil Sheriff whistling the Mayberry theme as he walks around the jail cell and the catchphrase "Someone's at the door."  Sadly, when I use that now, nobody knows what the hell I'm talking about. 

Shaun Cassidy was my first celeb crush.  I remember listening to the .45 on Nicki Sharko's little record player and mooning for hours of the latest issue of 'Tiger Beat'.  Da doo ron ron, baby.

Anyway, if ABC doesn't renew this, I'll scream.  It started out fairly slowly -- I almost gave up about four or five weeks in.  I'm glad I stuck by it, though. 

*****

Let's talk about 'Alias.' 

I love me some J.J. Abrams.  I love me some Jennifer Garner (never mind that DJ says she has been 'defiled' by her association with Ben Affleck).  The way that J.J. Abrams wrapped up the series finale of 'Felicity' was absolutely brilliant and I hope he can do the same thing here.  So far?  I'm not thrilled.  However, having watched EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF ALL FIVE SEASONS so far, I'm not giving up. 

I used to think that I wanted one of those 'WWJD' bracelets except mine would be 'WWSBD', meaning 'What would Sydney Bristow Do?'.  Now I'm pretty sure I know the answer: she'd get screwed over by Sloane, someone close to her would be killed, and she'd cry, then vow to get revenge, go undercover in a seedy bar in Eastern Europe with a kicky wig on, get in a fight, which would lead to another piece of the Rambaldi puzzle and sidetrack the whole mission.

*****

'The Apprentice.'

Okay, Michael was an asshole, but he wasn't the reason they lost the task.  They lost the task because of the price points.  Granted, Michael didn't have the killer instinct.  If he was even willing to entertain the idea of giving up the exclusivity to the cheerleaders, he has no business running a Trump business.

Still.

And if Allie doesn't get fired next?  I will slap that blonde bobblehead cheerleader bitch into the middle of next week.  Shut up, Allie.  I can't believe that she got all uppity with Sean for not backing her in the boardroom.  Reality check, Allie:  Your team LOST.  YOU were the project manager.  He didn't say you were a horrible person, he said that he felt that ultimately the project manager is responsible for the win or loss.

Blech.

*****

So I'm watching a little soft-corn porn on Skinemax the other night, right?  After a while we get back to a scene of dialogue (ew!) and behind me I hear a step and then this little voice says, "Mommy?"  HOLY SHIT HIT THE STOP BUTTON THANK GOD FOR TIVO.  She didn't see anything.  This time.  Narrow escape.

You might be a fracking idiot if...

It occurred to me that I haven't done a 'Television' post in a while.  This is not because I'm too busy to watch or have evolved intellectually past the point of needing the boob tube; in fact, I'm giving the Tivo a pretty rigorous workout lately.  I'm just LAZY.  You should know that about me by now.

Here's a quick rundown on what I'm watching and why you might be a fracking idiot if you're not watching the same things. 

Battlestar Galactica

Holy FRACK!  Did y'all SEE that season finale?  I'm glad that Roslin and Adama can hold their heads up high and be proud of the fact that they doomed humanity because of their high-hat morality.  I have to give props to any show that can turn its story arc upside down, like 'Alias' did in that post-Superbowl show when they took down SD-6.  LOVE this show.

Veronica Mars

Still the best show on television.  If you ignored me last season, go beg borrow or steal the Season 1 DVD's and then look at TWP to get caught up with this season.  To say that this is a "latter-day Nancy Drew" completely underrates the unparalled excellence of the writing, acting and directing on this show.  And we're all just itching for Logan and Veronica to get back together, right?  RIGHT? 

The L Word

Showtime's take on lesbian life in LA (everyone has fabulous clothes and hair) occasionally gets a little soapy, but it can also take a hard look at various issues within the GLBT community.  Case in point?  This season's transformation of Moira to Max.  By the end of the season, Max's transition was so earnest, his desire to be a part of mainstream society so heartfelt, that we couldn't help but start to view Jenny as a whiny, petulant child.  Okay, some of us have been seeing her that way all along.  In the season finale, Peggy cut Helena off financially -- a savvy move for the next season, as we've seen Helena start to become much more dimensional this season.  Of course, the storyline of Dana/Alice was heartbreaking, as was Shane's refusing to take responsibility for her own destiny.  At Emmy time I'd love for Leisha Hailey and Katherine Moennig to be recognized for their fascinating, multifaceted performances.  Won't happen -- this show doesn't have the buzz for it.  But they deserve it.  And could Jennifer Beals be aging any more beautifully?

Alias

Despite its uneven performance, I have a very special place in my heart for this show.  When it's good, it's one of the best shows every done.  When it's bad... it's still pretty darn good.  WHEN is it coming back?  WHEN?

Lost

In spite of the mythology unfolding at a pace that can best be described as 'glacial', I cannot turn away.  Just. Plain. Fabulous.

Grey's Anatomy

The nighttime soap of the new millennium -- more excellent performances, even if the Meredith Grey Voice-Over is getting overused.  Tip to Shonda Rimes:  If you need the VO to explain the defining theme of the episode, you might be in trouble.

Invasion

Like 'Veronica Mars', this show should be required watching for anyone thinking about planning a new show in the vein of 'Lost' or 'Alias' -- despite a rather slow start, it's unfolding its central mythology at a satisfying rate. 

GUILTY PLEASURES:  The shows that I hate to admit I'm watching.  But I am.  SUE ME.

Ghost Whisperer - I know, I know -- her wardrobe is ridiculous, as is her hair and makeup and that almost insipidly supportive husband.  I still love it.

Desperate Housewives - I know, I know -- the characters can be cartoonish, the writing is uneven.  Still. 

The Apprentice - One of these days Donald is going to start firing people because he doesn't like their hair.  And I will be there to watch it.

Supernatural - I'm not sure which part I like more: the cute boys or the great soundtrack.  Either way, I'm completely hooked.

CONFESSION TIME:  I don't get 'The Sopranos'.  Okay, I mean, I get it -- but when people start talking about the characters being archetypes, blah blah blah, I blank out.  I mean, it's okay.  Just okay.  Yes, Edie Falco is excellent.  The theme song is one of the best EVER.  But I just don't get the fascination with it.

DO NOT READ THIS ENTRY

So yesterday I was killing some time between classes and decided I wanted a new ringtone.  You know I love me some Tori, but 'Sleeps With Butterflies' is getting a little old.

Going to the T-Mobile site, I made a disturbing discovery:  you can download the theme from 'Dora the Explorer' to use as a ringtone.

Okay, I'm really cranky and tired here (HELLO INSOMNIA! WELCOME BACK! MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME!) but between the TV shows and the obnoxious toys, the only sound I want to hear from Dora right now is the sound of her choking on her own vomit from a speedball-induced seizure.