Slices of Stacy

All that and I STILL couldn't stay awake 'til the end

A few random notes on the Oscars:

Chris Rock = funny.  I think that hosting the Oscars is a really thankless job.  If they're too risky (or risquee, for that matter) then everyone gets all huffy about the host not taking the event seriously.  If they play it safe, they get blasted for that.

Robin Williams = not funny.  Do you think that was the first time anyone's commented about Bugs ending up in drag or Donald Duck not wearing pants?  Tired, tired, tired.

Dear Annette Bening:  I know the spiky hair thing looks good on you, but dude... it's the fucking Oscars.  Buy a curling iron.  You can't tell me Warren doesn't have the money.

Dear Natalie Portman: Fire your stylist.  You are a beautiful young woman.  Dress your age and for your body type. 

Dear Renee Zellweger:  Please stop wearing strapless red dresses all the time.  It looks like you keep recycling the same one.  And eat a fucking donut, will you?

Is it just me, or did Laura Linney look just like Kelly Lynch playing the transgendered chick on 'The L Word'?  Bad hair... BAD hair, Laura.  Seriously.

Dear Kate Winslet:  You looked absolutely fabulous, darling.  You actually wore some COLOR and you just looked so damn happy.  Good for you!

Dear Prince:  You are so massively cool.

And what the FUCK is going on with Beyonce'?  Jesus.  Does she have so much money she can now afford to sponsor the Oscars?  I mean, she's a cute little pop star, she is NOT a vocal powerhouse.  Why was she in 3 damn numbers?  And the Phantom character leading her down the steps?  I'm sorry, but I'm lactose intolerant and with that much cheese I'm going to have diarrhea for 3 days.

I swear I have other interests in my life besides TV.  I know that right now I can't prove that.

Sensei Locke is startin' to work my nerves

I finally watched my tape of 'Lost', and WOW.  Okay, I just love Sun and Jin.  Fabulous characters.  And yes, I caught the Hurley on TV thing.

I do have a question about the raft, though.  If you were building that to try to get off the island, would you take your child?  For that matter, if people were going to leave on a raft, would you want to be on it?  I mean, if the raft people are rescued, they'll tell the rescuers about the ones left behind, right?  Your options on the island are get rescued or live on the beach for the rest of your life (barring getting eaten, hung, shot or drowning).  Your options on the raft are get rescued or die.  I'm not sure I'd want to be on the raft and I sure as HELL wouldn't want my kid on it. 

And I am completely on the Sayid/Shannon 'ship.  Maggie Grace is one lucky bitch, okay?

Am I strong enough to be your Mom?

Sweet Pea may or may not have her first bladder infection.  I'm calling for the test results in a few minutes.

She couldn't pee on command yesterday so they had to catheterize her.  For the first time, I am profoundly grateful for the traffic on 285 that prevented me from getting there on time, so Daddy had to deal with it.

She cried, she was upset, but she was very brave.  So he took her to Marble Slab Creamery for dinner.  Strawberry ice cream with M&M's.  And you know what?  She's going to be just fine. 

But later that night she had to sit on the potty and peeing hurt, after the catheter.  This was to be expected, but watching her little face crumple up, having her sob "Mommy, it HURTS, my bova (vulva) hurts, Mommy, ouch, ouch, ouch, make it stop!" was enough to crush me.  And I'm a tough cookie.

My baby.

So in light of the constant wondering if I'm a "good enough" Mom... I'm just going to link to Chez Miscarriage.  Her most current post is nothing short of brilliant.  I think every Mom -- okay, every PARENT -- should print this and read it every day.  Hell, have it tattooed on your arm if it'll help.  But read it and remember: we are good enough.

Just shoot the bitch!

Okay, so when Syd went to meet Anna Espinosa in the Donna Karan store (btw, they totally missed a great line opportunity when SpyDaddy asked if Syd could keep her temper in check... she should've asked if they had complaints from DK), why didn't they have a team outside to shoot Anna they minute she walked outside?  It's called a SNIPER, APO people.  Look into it.

And thanks to the rainstorm that was heading our way, our satellite went out when Vaughn walked into Sark's cell.  My GOD.  Vaughn, Sark, bars, handcuffs... let's face it, it was my version of nirvana.  And the satellite went out.  Dish Network, I better not EVAH meet you in a dark alley.

And when Marshall wanted Chinese food delivered... where does the delivery guy go?  Do they meet him on the subway platform with the cash, then go back down the tunnel?  ::confused::

They did bring the violent last night, didn't they?  Chopped off a guy's finger in the opening segment then burned Nadia.

David Anders rocks my world.

UPN should give me a bonus

Wow... I know I've pimped 'Veronica Mars' a lot here, but check this shit out. 

Today:  France.

Tomorrow:  the world.

Mwaa haa haa haaaaa!

And not like the Britney Spears movie, either

I have this visual of myself right now at a crossroads.  And I'm not talking about the easy crossroads, like at the end of 'Castaway', where Tom Hanks just has to decide whether to go back to the girl or keep driving.  By the way, I'm totally sure he went back for the girl because I'm American and we love our happy endings, damnit.

No, my crossroads has about 6 different options.  Stay at the current Soul-Sucking Corporate Machine or find a different one?  If I stay, will my position be eliminated?  If it's eliminated, will I be offered a decent package or escorted out by security?  Go to school full time next year?  If I lose my job in May, should I go ahead & go to school full time then? 

And the child option... should we pursue adopting again?  It would mean postponing school plans, since I know better than to think I can take classes with a newborn.  Is DJ really on board?  No, he's not.  Would he feel differently once he was actually holding a baby?  Yes, probably. 

Would our marriage survive the strain, financially and emotionally?  Maybe.  Probably.  We have a fundamentally strong union.  Do I want to risk it?  Not really.

Am I going to grieve this?  Almost definitely.  To finally feel like my life has some direction, to have the opportunity for the two children I always saw myself with, and to have to say 'no'.  There will be tears, and hurt, and a little bit of resentment.

I could be wrong.  This could end up happening, after all.  Like I said, I'm at a crossroads, and anything is possible.

Should I wear a suit, or a dress?

Thursday meme, Courtesy of Jason: 

Official Rules for the Interview Game

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different, but they may all include the ever-dreaded "dead hooker" question.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.  You have to think up your own questions.

Jason's questions for me:

1. Pick one of three: Phish, the Grateful Dead, or the opportunity to pack all of both bands' fans into a gargantuan VW bus and drive that bus off a cliff. Explain your choice.  Drive them all off a cliff.  Get a life, people.  I worship Tori Amos but you don’t see me quitting my job to follow her all over the world.  It’s called stalking.

2. I'm a raging social liberal, yet I work for a large defense company. Have I sold my soul to the devil?  No, dear, you’ve simply forgotten that you are deactivated Democrat plant.  When seven words are strung together in the correct sequence, you will remember your secret training and wreak havoc from within.

3. What's the most disturbing thing that your child finds amusing?  Taking off her clothes, shoving her butt in my face, and saying “Smell my bottom! Smell my bottom!”  More disturbing?  She learned it from her father.

4. If you could ask ONE person ONE question, and that person would HAVE to give you the truth, who would that person be, and what would you ask him/her?  Jesus, and I would ask him what really went down in the Garden of Eden.  Because I think there's been a huge trickle-down from one person's say-so, and who knows what his agenda was?

5. Have you ever read the list of ingredients on a can of orange soda?  No.  I detest orange soda. 

Proof that the conspiracy theorists are wrong

"Dear Stacy A. Blah-diBlah:

Thank about it.  As a Navy Officer, you'll do more in a few short years than most people do in a lifetime - all before you're 30.  Proudly serve your country, keep America safe and strong, and more... "

Direct quote from the Navy recruiting letter I received today.  If they're sending this to a fat 36-year-old suburban wife and mother who is a proud Democrat, they clearly do NOT have a detailed dossier on every facet of my life. 

Good to know.

Idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot

Okay, so, you guys, you know how in high school if you found yourself around the popular kids you'd, like, crack under the pressure and talk about stupid shit?  And not just once, but repeatedly?  If you WERE one of the popular kids, get the hell off my blog... I don't need your type here.

At any rate, today I made the most asinine guest post over at Rude Cactus.  Okay, no, the post itself wasn't asinine.  What WAS asinine was that when Chris had 'reveal your big secret' day a few weeks ago, I put in a quick blurb about my vibrator (if I HAD a vibrator, Mom, which of course I don't) and then my guest post today was about my vibrator (the one I don't own, Mom).

Why?  Because he and Beth are the "kewl kids"?  What the fuck?  They must think I'm a fucking lunatic!  A sex-crazed lunatic!  Okay, self-imposed hiatus on comments and guest posting until I can get myself under control.

::::bangs head against wall::::

For a good time, call 1-800-Princess

Wow.  You can't hire Disney Princess lookalikes.  Trademark infringements or some shit like that.  At least, I haven't found them in Atlanta.  And if I did, they'd probably run me $200 apiece.

It would be wrong to just get the costumes and hire some $25 hookers for a couple of hours, wouldn't it?  Wouldn't it????