A week after I read this at Real Live Preacher, I'm living it, albeit on a smaller scale.
As you know, Sweet Pea turned 3 on Easter Sunday. She celebrated by cutting her own hair during her naptime (which, I have come to understand, is a little girls' rite of passage that is so old its roots can be traced to the Druids) and suddenly jumping to a size 4T in her clothing. I mean, the 3T's fit 3 weeks ago. Today they do not. Amazing.
On Monday she will start going to the three's room (the Dalmatian room!) at daycare. She's been "visiting" for the last week or two. She was excited about it -- her friend Brian is in the 'mation room and soon her best friend Parker will be there with her.
And my heart aches, and I want to cry.
You see, once she's in the three's, she goes from being one of twelve to one of 20. She will eat breakfast in the big dining room with the preschoolers and the before-school big kids. And these kids look huge. Monstrous. They wrestle, and tumble, and fight. They line up single-file and push each other. They tease each other. And my little girl just seems so little standing with them. Suddenly it looks like a jungle, and Sweet Pea is a fawn that has been spotted by a pack of ravenous wolves.
The head teacher, Ms. Jan*, is not exactly what you'd call warm or outgoing. I don't care if she's all warm and fuzzy with me, mind you. I've heard from other teachers that she's great with the kids, but I also heard from one of Sweet Pea's current teachers that Ms. Jan doesn't think that Sweet Pea is mature enough to move up.
When I heard that, I wanted to go beat up Ms. Jan. Not mature enough? Not only is she completely potty trained, she is far more mature than she should be. She can talk about her emotions, she is empathetic, she is sensitive and she is generous. What Sweet Pea is NOT: easy to warm up to new people and situations. Sweet Pea takes her time. She holds back in new situations, and sizes them up. If and when Sweet Pea warms to you, if she hugs you and calls you 'friend', then you know you have passed a test more vigorous than the LSAT's. Sweet Pea does not suffer fools gladly.
So I wonder... what if my little girl really isn't ready? Will Ms. Jan appreciate Sweet Pea's personality quirks? Will she understand that Sweet Pea holding back may only mean that Sweet Pea is looking for her place in things? If Sweet Pea gets sad, or overwhelmed, will Ms. Jan hug her and reassure her?
I actually found myself trying to think up a way I could secretly install a video camera in the room, to watch over and protect her during this change. But I can't. All I can do is drop her off in the morning, give her extra hugs, and be there to talk at night. I can ask the other mothers to watch over her during their brief forays into the overwhelming world of the three's.
Just this little tiny bit, I have to let her go. And I feel strongly that she is ready. And I feel just as strongly that I? Am not.
*Name changed to protect the innocent.
