Slices of Stacy

Post-Holiday Wrap Up Show

"Pat Summerall here with John Madden, welcome to Stacy's post-Holiday Wrap Up.  John, how are you tonight?"

"I'm great, Pat, glad to be here -- say, that was some holiday season, wasn't it?"

"It sure was.  I think it's being defined by the fact that the main conflict -- that between Stacy and the goddamn sore throat -- is still being fought.  We're on 7 days of overtimes here, John."

"Unbelievable.  For those of you just tuning in, Stacy started to feel chilled and nauseous on December 23rd.  That night she spiked a fever of 102, marked with chills and shaking.  She was sidelined from her Christmas Eve performance at church by the illness and has spent the majority of every day since then in bed."

"Too bad about her Mom, eh?"

"That's just the worst, Pat.  Her Mom traveled several hundred miles to visit and Stacy spent most of it in a haze."

"Let's show a clip from the trip to the Georgia Aquarium, John.  Here's a shot of DJ and Sweet Pea inside the plastic bubble of the penguin habitat.  There were only a couple of inches away from the penguins at that point.  The four of them spent three hours at the Aquarium and according to Stacy, it felt like ten.  However, her Mom upgraded their tickets to annual passes as a Christmas gift to the family in what might be the Best. Christmas Present. Ever."

"Pat, when she was wheeled off the field to the doctor's office on Wednesday, we thought she'd see some relief.  However, in what can only be described as really shitty luck, she got one of those doctors who think that antibiotics are of the devil so in spite of having almost every textbook symptom of strep throat, he didn't do a throat culture and sent her away with a prescription for cough syrup."

"Now, John, to be fair, that cough syrup did require the doctor's DEA number and had to be special ordered, so we know it's the good stuff."

"That's true, Pat, but if it doesn't fix the problem in the first place it doesn't do a helluva lot of good, does it?"

"John, how would you say that these events are affecting her fellow team members?"

"Well, Sweet Pea has never done well with unstructured time but thanks to the conspicuous consumerism of the American Christmas, she has no shortage of activities to keep her busy.  DJ is clearly displaying a lack of patience but he can hardly be blamed for that -- seven days is a damn long time.  This is the vacation time he looks forward to every year and he's been stuck inside for most of it when Stacy promised that the minute her Mom walked in the door, they'd be gone to the movie theater for most of the week."

"And how is Stacy herself holding up?"

"To be honest, she's pretty pissed off.  She feels like she missed her daughter's Christmas, her mom's visit and her husband's vacation.  She's tired of trying to eat solid food in pain and the pudding and Jello routine is wearing thin.  She's decided that if she sees that young whippersnapper of a doctor in a dark alley she's going to kick his ass and that as a matter of policy from here on, if her doctor is younger than she is, she's calling the shots.  But she really likes the drugs."

Holiday Randomness

We're heading into 72 hours of madness.  Peace on earth, my ass.  Running, visiting.  The child has double ear infections.

*****

We've been fighting a battle here at home against a formidable enemy.  Ants.  The ants, people, they are taking over.  Every room.  One here, one there, then millions.  I have the cutest candy cane wrapping paper and I got mini candy canes to tie into each ribbon and I haven't done it because, the ants, they swarm.  When I find a swarm I grab the Raid and spray away.  Then I leave the little corpses there for a while as a warning to the other ants.  My countertops look like an aerial view of the beaches at Normandy. 

*****

You have got to be fucking kidding me. 

*****

There is something that is tiring me.  I am tired of feeling like I can't identify myself as a Christian because people will think I'm discriminatory and narrow-minded.  Can't I be a liberal AND a Christian?  I feel like the neo-religious freaks are making the rest of us look bad and it is pissing me off.

*****

I have struggled with something else this holiday season.  I didn't just make a buck stretch -- I made it scream.  I put it on the rack and stretched it out, then laid it on a bed of tacks and did the Mexican hat dance on it.  I've spent less not just on my own family but on the kids of everyone I know.  It was really hard.  I feel guilty.  Usually at Christmas I've spent tons of money on DJ and never even needed a list -- I always know what to get him.  He ends up feeling like he couldn't surprise me.  We've had some role reversal this year.  I am learning humility.

*****

I probably won't do much updating over the next 10 days or so.  We're going to the Georgia Aquarium and I may post a few pictures from there.  My Mom is coming to visit and she and Sweet Pea are very taken with each other -- DJ and I will, hopefully, be able to slip out for a couple of movies.

*****

By the way?  3.5 GPA.  Two A's, two B's.  One C, but that was my lab and it was only one credit hour.  I want to do better next semester.  I know -- nobody asks your GPA after you graduate.  All that matters is getting the piece of paper.  But I want it for ME.  I want to do well for myself.  Which, if you ask me, is about the best reason of all.

*****

Merry Christmas, Internet.  Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa.  Peace on earth and goodwill to men in the name of God, Goddess, All That Is.  Warmest holiday wishes from our house to yours.

Just because we tell the Internet about our mammograms doesn't mean you know us: an open letter to Amalah

Dear Amalah:

I'm a huge fan of your blog.  I don't comment often but I read almost every day.  Today I read this post and my heart is breaking for you.

The first day I left Sweet Pea at day care was the worst day of my life.  My first week back at work, our daycare didn't have a spot for her so DJ took a week off and I went back to work.  I thought, "Hey, this is a breeze! I'm back among the grown-ups and he's actually better at staying home than I am!" and I was arrogant enough to think I'd feel the same way the following week.  I was wrong.

I don't know why, but I was driving our carpool that first morning.  I cried almost the whole way to work and if there had been a turnaround on the freeway, I would have used it.  I got to work and kept crying.  Then the Senior Vice President of the SSCM ("Soul-Sucking Corporate Machine") called me up to his office and this guy is a big deal -- if you Googled him, you'd be really impressed.  And I had to go up there and pretend I understood a damn word he said, when really it was like Charlie Brown's teacher: I could see his lips moving but all I heard was "Wah wah wah waaaaah waaaaah wah wah". 

I wanted to die.  And I thought about all the ways I could try to make it work.  And it just wouldn't.  There is simply no way we could survive on one salary at that time.  We do not lead an extravagant life (although I do own two Coach bags and love them with inordinate affection) but there wasn't too much we could pare down.

It did get better, Amy.  But not for a long time.  Leaving my baby every morning was like a knife being stuck repeatedly in my heart.  But it DID get better.  She was sick a lot, but now she's almost never sick.  In fact, she just had her first repetitive vomiting episode on Sunday night but I don't think it had anything to do with the bourbon balls she ate when I wasn't looking (BABY'S FIRST HANGOVER: NEWS AT ELEVEN!). 

It's easy for people to read our blogs and make assumptions about us.  People can read about the stupid parenting things I do, about little tiffs I have with my husband, my political and social rants and they might think they know me.  But they don't.  It's amazing how much you can tell people without actually saying a word.

There is nothing wrong with being a working mother.  It hurts sometimes, trying to juggle both.  It's hard to walk out of a building, hearing your baby cry for you, and still know you're doing the right thing.  But your choices are YOUR CHOICES.  Like you, I also grew up financially challenged and I refuse to apologize for not quitting my job to stay home and eat Ramen noodles in order to be a "SAHM".  I want my daughter to have dance lessons.  I want to be able to buy DVD's for her.  I want her to have big, loud, fun birthday parties.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to provide your son with good vacations and nice things. 

There is nothing wrong with sometimes realizing that you can't wait for Monday morning because OH MY GOD, THE MOMMYMOMMYMOMMY IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.  Sometimes?  The best Mommy is a sane Mommy.

I hope I live to see the day when women can simply support each other's choices.  I can't stand that you felt that you had to close your comments on that post because you just didn't need the asshats, when that was the one post I desperately wanted to leave you a kind word. (Edit: see Beth's post on this subject).

What you're about to do is going to be one of the hardest things you've ever done.  But I'm living proof that it CAN be done.  My daughter knows who her Mommy is.  She loves her teachers and some of them have really and truly loved her.  I am blessed.  Sweet Pea has thrived -- she needs action, she needs structure.  Daycare has provided those for her. 

So I'm still here, and still listening.  And if you decide to chuck it all and move into a trailer in the middle of nowhere, I hope you get DSL because I'll still be here, rooting you on.  You have a very special voice, a beautiful child, and a good life.  You're a smart woman.  You'll figure it out.

--Stacy

(proof that she's turning out okay)

Not that one... the one playing the snarfblatt.

Any pretense of cool I've managed to maintain is about to go flying out the window.

Do you know who I met Saturday night?  DO you?  That's me and Jodi Benson.  THE LITTLE MERMAID, INTERNET!  I met Ariel.  And almost cried.  Because the first time I saw 'The Little Mermaid', I was in such a stuck place in my life.  I was trying to decide whether or not to move to Atlanta.  I was (and still am) terrified of change.  However, I was even more terrified that my life would never change and I figured that if a sixteen-year-old cartoon character could take a leap of faith and pursue what she wanted, I had no business sitting back and waiting for life to happen to me.

I might have scared her a little bit.  Maybe that joke about following her home was inappropriate.  But I swear to God I would have been cooler if I'd been meeting George Clooney.

Oh... and that handsome bearded devil in the photo behind her left shoulder?  My husband.

'Twas the night before finals and here's a little visual into Stacy's brain...

mitosis meiosis dissociative identity disorder chromosomes schizophrenia metaphase dna microarray Beethoven Brahms dysthmic depression polar covalent bonds Robert Schumann was bipolar! bipolar disorder frontal lobe density dependent inhibition Ellen Taafe Zwilich Gregor Mendel Maslow rough endoplasmic reticulum humanistic therapy deoxyribonucleic acid a t g c ribose sugar Bessie Smith social cognitive scientific method biosphere jazz swing blues hydroxyl carboxyl carbonyl amino phosphate amino acid peptide bond illusory correlation

Prediction?

This semester my GPA is going to drop faster than Paris Hilton's panties.  (tm Lisa)

Just a little political rant in the midst of all the festivities

Before DJ and I got married I had a roommate who was Jewish.  Living with her made me realize that Christmas as a whole really gets shoved down the throats of any non-Christians.  I tried to be a little bit more respectful after that: sent out 'holiday' cards (Yes!  Am evil!), wished strangers 'happy holidays' if their religion wasn't clear. 

Last night I was at my mother-in-law's and found this book. 

Are you kidding me?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  DO WE NOT HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS IN THIS COUNTRY RIGHT NOW?

Do you want to know what the liberal agenda is?  Do you?  With apologies to all the Dems I'm about to piss off for revealing what's in the secret handbook:

Find a way to get the hell out of Iraq.  Reroute those soldiers to Afghanistan and finish dismantling the Taliban, hunt down Osama bin Laden.  Then bring the soldiers home and start spending all that money on restoring our schools, helping the poor and getting health care for the millions of Americans who can't afford it.

There it is.  That's the liberal agenda.

Is it a little bit ridiculous that my niece can't say "Christmas carols" at school, she has to refer to them as "winter songs"?  Yes.  It is.  Perhaps the pendulum has swung too far in the wrong direction.  But instead of writing a book (a BOOK?) about how horrible that is, how about focusing on the fact that the pendulum is swinging at all?  There is absolutely nothing wrong with being inclusive at the holidays.  If you want to get REALLY technical about it, Jesus wasn't actually born until what, April?  This holiday really used to be about the Winter Solstice until the Christians reappropriated it, so if you want to "get back to the way it used to be", let's all start wishing each other "Blessed be" and be done with it.  Perhaps we should move the celebration of Jesus' birth to spring and just let December be a time to wish people peace on earth, goodwill to men.

If you want to celebrate Christmas, CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS.  NOBODY IS STOPPING YOU.  The whole point is that we can also be more aware of those who are celebrating a different holiday.  To be more tolerant.  More accepting.  More loving.  Which, if you ask me, is what Jesus would have wanted in the first place.

Oh, and by the way?  I'm getting really pissed off about people making fun of the phrase "politically correct". 

Here's a little piece of advice:  If you're unsure whether or something is too "politically correct", try using the word "respectful" in place of those two hot-button words.  That should clear things up for you nicely.  That's what the phrase used to mean, anyway, before the conservatives reappropriated it.

And if you don't like it?  Tape it to a brick and shove it up your ass sideways.

Let there be peace on earth and LET IT GODDAMN WELL BEGIN WITH ME!

Years ago I read an interview with Richard Gere where he described an experiment he did in New York City: he walked around all day smiling at people.  He said he was pretty sure everyone thought he was a lunatic, but he hoped it was catching -- some people smiled back, after all. 

Having pondered the death of common courtesy, I decided that this holiday season was going to be different.  The bad manners are getting worse and worse, customer service is a contradiction in terms and by God I decided I was NOT going to contribute to the problem.  So without telling you, my husband or anyone else, I embarked on Project Smile 2005.  I decided that come hell or high water I was going to be polite and happy this season.  I was going to smile at people who didn't smile at me, I was going to wish people happy holidays. 

It was going quite well.

Today I let Sweet Pea stay home -- she didn't feel well and we were just doing reviews at school.  So we hung out, relaxed, then decided to go to Wal-Mart this afternoon.  We ate lunch at McDonald's, then started to pick up a few things.  We got to the bakery and Sweet Pea pleadingly looked at the doughnuts.  I said she could have one, we'd pick one up for Daddy, too, but she had to wait until we got in the car to eat it.

We got to the doughnut case and waited while the woman before us picked out her doughnuts.  I even forced myself to stop the thoughts of "Hurry UP, damnit, this isn't rocket science."  The woman said, "Am I in your way?"  I cheerfully replied, "That's okay -- we have lots of time today, take all the time you need."  Then Sweet Pea and I proceeded to look over all of them, trying to decide which one she'd like.  The one with the flower?  No, it had stuff in it.  The one that looked like a Christmas tree?  No... Finally, she decided that she wanted the cake doughnut with the chocolate frosting and red, green and white sprinkles.  I said, "Excellent choice! Those must be good because there's only one left!"  She pointed out that the white sprinkles were actually snowflake shaped and started to dance around in the cart.

You know where this is going, don't you, Internet?

I'll be damned if, with approximately 80 other doughnuts in the case, the woman didn't reach in there and take the EXACT ONE MY DAUGHTER WANTED.  I watched her do it, and said out loud "You have GOT to be kidding me."  The woman started to walk away and I said, "I can't believe you just did that!" She kept walking.  I wanted to go after her but, mindful of the example I was supposed to set, had to settle for explaining to my daughter that some people weren't very nice.

So, Dear Fucking Idiot Woman at the Doughnut Case... you almost did me in.  You caused a breach in my defenses.  However, I will not go down that easily!  I will not relent!  I will have a nice fucking holiday season and I will spread some goddamn Christmas cheer and if you don't like it you can tape it to a brick and shove it up your ass sideways.

When I think of all the little things I take for granted...

...like, for instance, the ability to pee...

Rex is home and he's going to be fine.  He has a special diet to eat for at least a month and he's got some antibiotics.  We take him back in a month and hopefully the stones will be gone.

Sweet Pea was crushed when I picked her up and told her that Rex might have to stay overnight at the vet's office.  She wanted to go visit him, then later told me she wanted to be a vet when she grew up so she could take care of dogs and cats.  Maybe we should increase what we're putting into her 529 Plan.....

The vet tech said he was one of the sweetest dogs she'd ever worked with and he was so cute.  Sweet Pea and I both agreed.  He is my canine baby.  The way this dog loves me... y'all, it is the definition of unconditional.  If I am sick or sad, Rex won't leave my side.  He sleeps in our bed with us, unless DJ is out of town, in which case he sleeps at the top of the stairs and patrols the house periodically.  I can't tell you how many times I woke up last night, petting him until he moved just so I could reassure myself he was still here.

I am so relieved.

Internet, meet Rex...

It has occurred to me several times that I've never really introduced the ancillary members of the Slices of Stacy household.  So... here is our dog, Rex: 

Rex is currently at the vet's office, where he will be for at least a day or two.  Friday night Sweet Pea said that he couldn't breathe and took his collar off.  He was standing strangely and seemed subdued.  Saturday morning I noticed that although he wanted to go outside frequently, he wasn't actually peeing -- just assuming the position and waiting patiently.  Yesterday (Sunday) he started leaking pee and by this morning it was tinged with blood.

So this morning we went to the vet's office.  They took him to another room and the vet came back and explained that he would have to stay -- he has bladder stones lodged in his urethra.  The vet had to catheterize him, then intended to flush the stones back up into his bladder to do an ultrasound.  That will determine whether or not a special diet can dissolve them or if he will need surgery.

Then I started to cry.  I told Dr. Toole that I'm broke.  I have no idea how I'm going to pay for any of this.  I told him I'd give him $10 a month for the rest of my life.  He told me that he was going to do whatever he had to do regardless.

I know that the decisions we're making now, the sacrifices we're having to make, will pay off eventually.  I know that our family will be better off in the long run.  But right now?  It sucks.

Friday Randomness

Well, all the studying is paying off.  I got a 92 on my Molecular Biology test.  My paper is within a few hours of being done.

*****

Hey, look!  Animation for science geeks!  Follow the links to the Microarray experiment.  Make sure you can hear it.  Wanna know something really scary?  I get it.

*****

Can I get a ruling on whether or not the magician's hat really belongs to him or Frosty?  Did he willfully abandon it?

*****

My husband's show is opening tonight.  He's directing "The Gifts of the Magi".  We decided that an '05 version would involve me selling myiPod to get him xBox games and he'd sell his xBox to buy me an iBoom.

*****

So I found my cell phone.  I gotta tell ya... Samsung makes a kickass phone.  Mine was under my car in my driveway for five days and it's working just fine.

*****

Sweet Pea was seriously pissed at me tonight.  I could hear her upstairs:  "Mommy, I want a drink RIGHT NOW.  I'm going to count and you BETTER have my water up here.  One two three four five GIMME IT.  My Mommy is SO mean.  Rex, I am SO angry right now.  Man.  My Dad said GIVE ME A DRINK OF WATER.  He's gonna be mad at you!"

*****

Sweet Pea has a lunch date on Saturday.  We're meeting her friend Brian at McDonald's for lunch and playing together.  She told me the other day that Brian is her husband.  I said, "Why Brian?"  She looked at me quizzically and said, "Well, you said I couldn't marry Daddy!"

*****

I think I'd like this for a graduation gift.  Mmmmm.  Pretty.

*****

So in Psych we're doing chapters on therapy, antidepressants, etc.  And like Jackass in Bio, we have a clown in this class who keeps saying antidepressants are for crazy people.  On Tuesday I snapped and said, "Shut UP, Clown."  The teacher said, "Clown, please stop using the word 'crazy' like that."  Then I jammed my elbow into his groin and laughed.  WHO'S CRAZY NOW, HUH? HUH??

*****

Happy weekend, Internet.