The Conversation I Thought I Wouldn't Have For About Eight More Years

I picked up Sweet Pea and we went to get DJ from the vanpool parking lot (one car, /n/, see $1900 fuckmegentlywithachainsaw).  She was perusing a list of her classmates.

Sweet Pea:  This says A______, B_______, C__________, and here's Michael E.  We have two Michaels, Michael C. and Michael E.  Michael E. kissed me on the lips.  Not Michael C.  Then there's D________,

Me:  WHAT? <quickly recovers, speaks calmly> What was that, honey?  About Michael E?

SP:  He kissed me.  On the lips.

Me:  For real?

SP:  For real.

Me:  During class?

SP:  No, at Campus Kids.

<Internal monologue begins.  Should I drive straight back over to the school and kick Michael E's ass?  Should I go straight to the Principal?  Maybe the Counselor should talk to them.  Okay.  Probably overreacting.  She's pretty calm.  Follow her lead.  Breathe.>

Me:  Did the teacher see you?

SP:  No.

Me:  Did you TELL the teacher?

SP:  No.

Me:  Did it bother you?

SP:  No.

<Okay.  Don't go running over there.  Don't even call.  Let's just handle this like the mature adult we are and what's this 'we' shit, kemosabe?  That's my 6-year-old whose lips were violated.>

Me:  Do you plan on kissing him again?

SP:  No.  He likes me but I don't like him. 

Me:  Okay.  Well, I think you're really too young for kissing right now so I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that for a while, okay?

SP:  Okay.  Besides, I don't like him.  I like Grace's older brother.  He's so cute.

<Crapshitfuckdamn that kid is in, like, 5th grade.>

Long pause.

Me:  So, do you want to, like, talk about it or anything?  Because that was your first kiss and--

SP:  Mommy, it's really not a big deal.  Can we talk about something else?

*****

Incidentally, DJ wants to punch Michael E right in the face.  I told him that was probably inappropriate, given that Michael E can't be older than 7.  However, if DJ gets Mikey-boy alone in an alley, I can't say he won't pop him one.  What do you think?

Comments

[Bad Home Cook]

I think, you know, *pop* when nobody's lookin. Kids will be kids, you know. I'm assuming DJ is SP's big brother?
Love your blog, btw. (I'm Elfini's friend)